Hello from the land of the cold but beautiful,

    Well we have finally in the last couple of days fallen into the usual temperature ranges for this time of year.  As I mentioned in the brief Christmas wish it was 28 below zero Tuesday night with a minus 50 degree wind chill.  It fell to 30 below that night and even though the sky was clear (something we have not had much of in the last month or two-one reason it has been above zero so much) the northern lights refused to show.  A word (or 50-100) about the cold if I haven't orated on that subject enough. Even we cringed when we looked at the thermometer Tuesday and saw 28 below.  But I have to repeat, it does not feel like that big of a difference.  I know that below zero temperatures are unfathomable to most of you.  It was to us before we came up too. I could not imagine what it would feel like and felt a bit of fear about the subject. Now we are in the midst of our second winter in the Arctic and have become quite accustomed to it.  Back in Louisiana and Mississippi whenever I went hunting in the fall I had an double layer insulated waterproof jacket and a pair of insulated coveralls.  Depending on how cold it was I would wear long underwear and wool socks and sock liners, gloves, and a hat. This was for 30 degree weather in the Deep South.  I dress the same way here for extended exposure to below zero weather.  Of course the hat is fur and the boots are Pac boots rated for 50 below. Oh, and don't forget the goggles.  The cold is intense, but its not penetrating like in the humid south.  When it's in the teens above zero it's quite comfortable out.  We went on a bit of a snowmachine ride Sunday during the brief daylight period with the temps in the teens and snowing. (The snowflakes were coming down individually and they were sometimes almost a quarter of an inch across and they really really do look like the drawings.) We made a circuit around the back bays to the sound and down the coast past the airport and fish camps, coming back up onto the tundra after crossing a short bit of overflow (water on top of the ice).  We looped back onto the back bays and made our way home just as it was getting dark. It was quite fun and comfortable.  It had been snowing for two days when we went out and there was plenty of powder and drifts.  Snowmachines are designed to go fast-period. Whenever I take off the overwhelming desire is to hit the gas and when you succumb to this temptation, the machine instantly responds to fill the need for speed-with interest. Now I have mentioned before that frequently when traveling on ice and snow the light is flat.   Many times it is almost impossible to tell definition on a trail. It also really affects depth perception.  When we took off with me driving and Patty behind me on the same machine I punched it and hit 40 within a couple of seconds.  One of those drifts (about two foot high) flashed under the machine before I could react and we literally were airborne.  So you see, Alaska really does have the most pilots in the world, with or without a plane.  Anyway, we both left the seat with Patty landing in my seat and me landing on top of her (bet that hurt).  We were laughing like loons as we untangled ourselves.  I did take it easier after that and finished the day with just one other incident when I was riding alone and did a repeat, this time loosing my hat and planting the handlebars across my upper abdomen. 

    I will expand a bit more on the cold, snow, and ice, so please bear with me. When we step out into weather that cold we have a tendency to cough a few times as the freezing air hits the lungs.  I can feel the ice crystals forming in my mustache and nose.  Patty, who has more sense than me walks out with her mouth and nose covered, but even she coughs and after a few minutes has a perfect oval of ice on her mask.  With the colder weather has come the annual problem with the machines.  Batteries just do not like this type of cold and engines seem to agree.  The battery on Patty's machine has died and it now has to be hand cranked which isn't as bad as you might think if you know the right combination.  The problem is sometimes Patty forgets that combination which she did two days ago.  She works mostly in a building a few blocks from here but a few times a day her business carries her to the hospital which is right behind our apartments.  I usually take my 4 wheeler anyway for multiple reasons-in case I have to travel to an outbuilding, go to the post office, and I like to keep it running on a daily basis.  She could not get her machine running so she confiscated mine.  All you guys out there are going to shake your head knowingly (when the women aren't watching) and all you women out there are going to cry out for Gloria Steinham to return from the grave but I have to say this.  I fear turning over my machine to the little woman.  See, they break theirs and "oh well, I'll just take his". Off they go and lo and behold later they tell you "it was making this funny noise that goes like this..........".  Or it just wouldn't work so I had to leave it and take............. (whatever other vehicle was available; fill in the blank).  That's why last New Years eve when we went to the dance, we had to walk in blowing snow.  Both 4 wheelers and both snowmachines were down for one reason or another. It's like sports, if you don't have enough depth in a certain area you're doomed. (No it wasn't Patty's fault last New Years and my machine is back safely and so far working fine.  Although.......she did use it yesterday and I have not tried to start it today.)  It's a good thing I'm where I am because I'm safe from all those women foaming at the mouth wanting to get their hands around my throat, and I do have a lot of women friends.  (Or, I did have a lot of women friends.)

    I didn't mention that the day she took my machine I wanted to go to the store.  Now I could walk to the store in the 28 degree below zero weather but since I was going to be carrying groceries, I like having a machine. If for no other reason than getting fresh veggies home before they are flash frozen-especially at the cost of fresh veggies. There are some good aspects though, ice cream doesn't melt. Just don't try to dish it right after getting it home, it has to thaw a while in the freezer.   Ok, it's a simple matter.  All I have to do is walk to the apartment and get the snowmachine. Oh, I have to go into the apartment first and get the keys to the machine and the lock.  Ok, now just start the machine and let it warm up like you have to do with all snowmachines for about five minuets. Dang, I left the key to the lock on the key ring in the machine and if I shut it off before it's warm, it might be a b.... to restart.  I'll gingerly get it off the ring while not turning off the engine.  Now where in all that snow did the key go after I dropped it?  There it is, frozen to my finger tip because I removed my gloves to get it off the ring and was digging in the snow with my bare hand. Ok, got the lock and chain off.  Now where did the lock go in all that snow?  I'll find it later.  After all, I have discovered a fool proof method for the retrieval of frozen metal.  I brush the snow from the machine and off I go without anymore problems.  I zip across the road and down onto the frozen back bay, hit the gas, fly over a couple of drifts, through the grounds of the Senior Center, and into the grocery parking lot. Safe!  I do my shopping after removing hat, goggles, gloves, unzipping jacket........ (If you’re going to do any extended shopping it's best to have two people.  One to push the cart with groceries and one to push the cart with the winter clothing you just removed.) I'm checking out and as I reach for my wallet............It's not there.  Let’s see, did I put it on the counter when I got the keys to the snowmachine? Is it in a snow bank somewhere along my route?  Is it in the snow next to the errant lock?  "Oh, what were you saying?"  "You can put the sale on hold while I go get money?"  "Here, I'll just pay you in cash since I don't have my credit card" (we get air miles you know). "Oh how stupid of me, my cash is in my wallet with my credit card;" and the key to the apartment.  (You mean I haven't mentioned that the doors to the 4 plex and each apartment are protected by an electronic lock that opens with a card?)  I don't have a key to the apartment to get my wallet.  I know, I'll run to Patty's office and get her card and key.  (Did I mention I got off early and was looking forward to getting home a bit early to relax?) I storm into Patty's office looking like an enraged bear (dressed in camouflage and fur) and confiscate her key and card while mumbling something about women and machines (to myself, I'm surrounded, and most of them are Eskimo and know how to use an ulu and a gun).  I get back to the store and get back in line at the register where my groceries patiently await. I stand behind the only other shoppers checking out; a man and a woman with a baby and enough groceries to last the winter. The cashiers at the two other registers stare at me as they stand idle. (At least that pesky pain in my nose and cheeks from the cold went away. Wait, that's a bad sign.)  I get my purchases back to the snowmachine and remember it has very little place for hauling cargo.  There is a small place behind the seat but I have to make sure the groceries won't fall out the bags because it's just a bar around the back.  I take my gloves off again and consolidate some of the groceries.  Blast, now the gloves as well as the keys are in the snow. Now the ears are hurting too. I left the store in such a hurry I did not put on my hat and goggles so I fumble them on with wooden fingers.  Dang, I can see the green part on the green onions is frozen already. (Who's idea was it to move to the arctic?!) It takes a few minutes but I get my self together and off I go.  I relish the freedom and speed as I again cross the back bay.  Home again safely. Wait, the grocery bags are hanging off each side of the rack on the outside of the machine.  Good thing I bungeed the handles on the bags, I hope everything is still there.  Now where's that lock?  Finally I enter the apartment and shed all the layers.  Oh good, there's my wallet sitting safely on the counter. Just a few minuets after getting inside (just enough time for the ice in my mustache and beard to melt) up rides Patty happily on my smoothly purring machine. "What's for dinner?"  ..................................Women...........................

    I have to say I still love this winter wonderland though. There are so many things here we come in contact with, see, experience, participate in.....that not only do not occur down south, but things you would never even think of.  I try to jot them down when they occur so I can write about them later but most go unsaid. Things still fascinate me like when I mentioned the shape of the snowflakes.  Last week it was snowing (I know, it's the arctic for goodness sakes. Shouldn't you be used to it by now?) and it was in puffs the size of large cotton balls.  There was no wind so it was just drifting down and I just stood there watching it for a while.  It was to repeat a cliché, magical.  Since the temps remain below freezing the snow does not stick together so when I went out later and started to clean off my 4 wheeler, it looked just like the fake snow you see in displays.  It looked like shiny plastic and was just as light and fluffy. Speaking of the snow; when you walk on it the feel and sound is different depending on the temperature outside.  I would like to describe the difference but it's hard to put into words.  How about this-metal as I mentioned freezes like anything else. When we carry our keys into the warmth they frost up and the other day I had to pry them apart to open my office.  We have to be careful to not take them inside where they frost up and go right back out because the dampness on the keys will get into the ignition and freeze it up.  Last Sunday Cathy and Gary took a ride and Cathy took her rifle (looking for arctic groceries).  They came into the apartment and her rifle frosted over.  I reached for it and my fingers stuck to it. Or how about this.  One of the village clinics lost heat last week and had to be shut down.  Here that's really serious. You can imagine if the outside temp is below zero, it would not take long for the inside temp to go below freezing.  Imagine what would happen to everything inside your home or office if it went below freezing inside, not to mention the effect on people.  Here's another clinic story. In addition to being Employee Health and Infection Control for an area the size of Indiana I am also over Environmental Services (housekeeping).  Yesterday my manager for that department came to me and told me one of our villages was having difficulty with the water system and although they would still have water, all the toilets in the town would have to shut down.  They have to go back to honey buckets for an unknown length of time.  Ok, what are we going to do about the clinic?  I DON'T KNOW, I'm a southern boy from the city.  I've done my share of fertilizing the woods on occasion but I don't have any experience with honey buckets!  (I had to use one in a village once but the honey bucket elves took care of it.)  Ok, engineering for whatever reason has two self contained chemical toilets. We'll send those out.  Wait, how are we going to keep it sanitary, we don't have the chemicals for it here.  I now have chemicals ordered and in the interim we are going to use pine-sol.  The janitor will empty it into the plastic bags we are sending out and put it at the curb for the city to pick up.  (You thought being a garbage man in the big city was bad...........)  At least it will freeze as it waits at the curb and there for darned sure will be no fly's (until summer).

     The winter solstice passed on December 21st which is the shortest day of the year.  The theory is that sunrise that day came around noon with sunset around 1:30pm.  Since we have not seen the sun for a while it's really impossible to tell.  We do have twilight starting around 11 and yesterday it lasted until around 4:30pm.  We are now in the process of gaining around 7 minutes of daylight each day.  I have to say that here you literally live by the clock.  As it's dark so much in winter and with 24 hours of daylight in the summer we have to use the clocks to tell us how to live each day. It is really hard to get up in the morning when the clock says it's time but it's so dark and the bed feels so wonderful.  I know, poor me.

    I did want to mention that it has been a fairly safe season so far. There was one search and rescue last week with an unusual happy outcome; the person in question suffered a bit of frostbite but was alive and well.  Most SAR's here are body recoveries due to the unforgiving nature of this vast land.

     Enough with the diarrhea of the fingers.  Today is Christmas Eve and we're off today.  We are going to bake a couple of pumpkin pies and whatever else comes to mind.  We are going to eat tomorrow at Gary's mother Ester's place.  This will be the first Christmas in probably over 20 years that we have not cooked. She is having ham and turkey and of course mashed potatoes (what is it with northerners and potatoes?)  Cathy is making pecan pie and green bean casserole.  There will be a house full of their relatives-all Inupiat. (Dang, I hope no one brings seal or muktuk).  Tonight Cathy has been talked into playing clarinet at midnight mass and we are planning on going.  We will have to see though as while the predictions in the New Orleans area are for an arctic cold front and possible flurries we here in the origination of that front may experience a blizzard tonight and tomorrow.  A white Christmas with a whole lotta interest!

     Once more I want to extend to you all a Merry and Safe Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

                                                                                      From the far north,

                                                                                     Carlo, Patty, Christy, and Cathy (oh, and Mike and Gary too)

PS  How would you like to face this prediction?  That's for Kotzebue and they don't even mention the wind chill!

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